Memories.

December 12, 2012 § 14 Comments

The letter she would write to him
The happy memories they were to create
The curtains she was to choose for their room
The wines they were to collect
The crystal bowls she was to love
The Bayern posters he was to adore
The saree she was to wear for their engagement
The quotes of marriage they were to laugh over
The unconditional love she was to recieve from his parents
The old, old dictionary his paa was to gift her
The home they were to build together.

In minutes it was gone.
Burnt to ashes by the fire they set on it.

Do you still see the memories we
have to make, when you look into my eyes?

Winter.

November 7, 2012 § 17 Comments

I tried to stitch myself into
it, but nothing held.
I am okay. It’s just that before
felt like a million rainbows,
superimposed over each other.
And i linger, as if still waiting
for them to magically reappear.

It was this hour, just as early
darkness fell, that you would come
to me. With your clarity, and your
carefree-ness. Stepping into the
wall i’d built. Slowly. And steadily.

I am okay. It’s just that i have been
impatient. Very much. I thought
i knew everything you didn’t tell,
and understood everything you did.
And i believed things will be fine,
with time. Silly, silly girl.

What is can be as elusive as
what is not. Both beguile, and
neither stays. Or sticks. I am lost
in this transition.
From what we were, to what we
are, to what we will be.

It is winter here.
And unquiet.

Depth-II.

August 20, 2012 § 35 Comments

Standing on the line that
divides my heart and my head
Numbed by doubt and anxiety
after nights of mind-fucking
Relieved to not feel the pain,
the cold
Longing to be released from
this utter sadness
Caught in a storm of thoughts
that lead me nowhere
Drowning in self-doubt
and confusion every night
And yet not drowning, so there
is scope to be inflicted again
The dreams become awful,
the shadows haunt me
I only feel myself sinking in
depths as i write this.

 

 

 

Am I not?

August 7, 2012 § 33 Comments

 

Photo Credit: http://www.facebook.com/pensive.polaroid

In stark black lines over black
The cane toy-raven
With lumps and warts drawn as rounds
Inked black eyes
With wings ready to take me away
Ah! and that blackness
A beak that lets me suck my own joy
And my hoarse cry that startles me at times.
Am i not, too,
made for someplace?

Current State of Mind.

July 23, 2012 § 38 Comments

Lulling it over
Obssessing over it
Cant get it out of my head
Unable to rest
I wonder,
What is it that i am after?

Untitled- V.

July 21, 2012 § 25 Comments

Huddled around the tiny fire
of my longing
Always wanting to be somewhere
i am not
Loving with an incomprehensible
intensity
Falling in love at the drop
of a hat
Altering each poem a
hundred times
Carefully scanning my life
and the people
Making promises i do not
want to keep
Meeting people just to escape
from myself
Observing everyone and
being observed
Ushering my dreams out of the
window for a while.

I meet you a some festival.
You. With the same dreams,
longings and love.
We either recoil. Or fall in love.
Or both.

We e mail each other. And
one day you stop replying.
Maybe because i have no money
or i dont have a flat stomach
or you’re just bored.
I wouldn’t know.

Or maybe you’re throwing
your dreams out of the
window, too.

On Infidelity.

July 18, 2012 § 20 Comments

Most affairs begin when a husband or wife makes a new friend, and an apparently harmless intimacy is born. You dont sense the danger as it’s happening, because whats wrong with friendship? Why can’t we have friends of the opposite sex- or of the same sex, for that matter- even if we are married?

There is nothing wrong with a married person launching a friendship outside of matrimony- so long as the  walls and windows of the relationship remain in the correct places. Every healthy marriage is comprised of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world- that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust behind which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.

What often happens, though, during so-called harmless friendships, is that you begin sharing intimacies with your new friend that belong hidden within your marriage. You reveal secrets about yourself- your deepest yearnings and frustrations- and it feels good to be so exposed. You throw open a window where there really out to be a solid, weight-bearing wall, and soon you find yourself spilling your secret heart with this new person. Not wanting your spouse to feel jealous, you keep the details of your new friendship hidden. In doing so, you have now created a problem: You have just built a wall between you and your spouse where there really ought to be free circulation of air and light. The entire architecture of your matrimonial intimacy has therefore been rearranged. Every old wall is now a giant picture window; every old window is now boarded up like a crack house. You have just established the perfect blueprint without even noticing.

So by the time your new friend comes to your office one day in tears over some piece of bad news, and you wrap arms around each other, and then your lips brush and you realize in a dizzying rush that you ‘love’ this person- that you have always loved this person!- its too late. Because now the fuse has been lit.

~Dr. Shirley P. Glass

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