Scattered.

November 1, 2012 § 38 Comments

You appeared like a
Mills & Boons hero
with a bag of tricks
and some fortune cookie advice.

I smiled.

You ushered into me
like a wave that doesn’t
know when to stop.
Or, stop hurting.

Still, i smiled.

Laying in my own defeat
for nights
turning into months
haunted by the memories
of us.

Again, i smiled.

Could you,
before you return
pick up the scattered leaves
and make me beautiful again?

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Depth-II.

August 20, 2012 § 35 Comments

Standing on the line that
divides my heart and my head
Numbed by doubt and anxiety
after nights of mind-fucking
Relieved to not feel the pain,
the cold
Longing to be released from
this utter sadness
Caught in a storm of thoughts
that lead me nowhere
Drowning in self-doubt
and confusion every night
And yet not drowning, so there
is scope to be inflicted again
The dreams become awful,
the shadows haunt me
I only feel myself sinking in
depths as i write this.

 

 

 

Cancer.

July 26, 2012 § 27 Comments

He asked her what was bothering her
so much that she stopped looking
into his eyes while talking
and kept all her
words and muses
to her
self.

She
didn’t know
how to tell
him about the fact
that she won’t live long
enough and that the cancer is going
to kill her sooner than she expected.

Untitled- V.

July 21, 2012 § 25 Comments

Huddled around the tiny fire
of my longing
Always wanting to be somewhere
i am not
Loving with an incomprehensible
intensity
Falling in love at the drop
of a hat
Altering each poem a
hundred times
Carefully scanning my life
and the people
Making promises i do not
want to keep
Meeting people just to escape
from myself
Observing everyone and
being observed
Ushering my dreams out of the
window for a while.

I meet you a some festival.
You. With the same dreams,
longings and love.
We either recoil. Or fall in love.
Or both.

We e mail each other. And
one day you stop replying.
Maybe because i have no money
or i dont have a flat stomach
or you’re just bored.
I wouldn’t know.

Or maybe you’re throwing
your dreams out of the
window, too.

On Infidelity.

July 18, 2012 § 20 Comments

Most affairs begin when a husband or wife makes a new friend, and an apparently harmless intimacy is born. You dont sense the danger as it’s happening, because whats wrong with friendship? Why can’t we have friends of the opposite sex- or of the same sex, for that matter- even if we are married?

There is nothing wrong with a married person launching a friendship outside of matrimony- so long as the  walls and windows of the relationship remain in the correct places. Every healthy marriage is comprised of walls and windows. The windows are the aspects of your relationship that are open to the world- that is, the necessary gaps through which you interact with family and friends; the walls are the barriers of trust behind which you guard the most intimate secrets of your marriage.

What often happens, though, during so-called harmless friendships, is that you begin sharing intimacies with your new friend that belong hidden within your marriage. You reveal secrets about yourself- your deepest yearnings and frustrations- and it feels good to be so exposed. You throw open a window where there really out to be a solid, weight-bearing wall, and soon you find yourself spilling your secret heart with this new person. Not wanting your spouse to feel jealous, you keep the details of your new friendship hidden. In doing so, you have now created a problem: You have just built a wall between you and your spouse where there really ought to be free circulation of air and light. The entire architecture of your matrimonial intimacy has therefore been rearranged. Every old wall is now a giant picture window; every old window is now boarded up like a crack house. You have just established the perfect blueprint without even noticing.

So by the time your new friend comes to your office one day in tears over some piece of bad news, and you wrap arms around each other, and then your lips brush and you realize in a dizzying rush that you ‘love’ this person- that you have always loved this person!- its too late. Because now the fuse has been lit.

~Dr. Shirley P. Glass

Trigger.

April 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

When all methods have been tried
All places travelled
All people loved
All e mails sent;
send me a handgun.
That’d be my method of choice.

Practise on a target first
So i get a feel of it.
Let me put on that black coat
And that little red dress.
Let me smear kohl on my eyes one last time.
Have one last drink
Write one last poem.

Then just load it
And shut my mouth.
Shut my mouth around the barrel.
Quieten these thoughts that consume me
And these emotions that overwhelm.

Think one last time.
Of that thing i cant seem to explain
Of that thing you cant seem to understand
Of the ever growing distance neither of us is attempting to cover.

And just pull the trigger.

Afresh.

January 11, 2012 § 2 Comments

Friendship, Betrayal

Love, Emotions

You, Me

We, Us

Nights, Days

Rains, Winters

Success, Failure

Life, Death

Let’s wipe the slate clean
and get rid of all the dust.
🙂

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